My Motivation

Everything I do, I do for you–

I’ve always dreamed of becoming a psychiatrist, but sometimes life happens and things don’t always go as planned. My depression got to me and I couldn’t focus on school as much as I would’ve liked to, so I took a year off from college in 2013. My grandparents are the loves of my life and around Easter of 2014 my grandfather ended up becoming sick and was constantly in and out of the hospital. I decided to go to CNA school (which was only a 2 month class) so I could gain knowledge and help take care of him at my grandmother’s house instead of him staying in a hospital or nursing home because all he wanted to do during that time was be in the comfort of his own home. Eventually, he was moved into Hospice in early July of 2014. I would go to work everyday until 4pm and then go to class 5 days a week right after work until 9pm at night. In between I would squeeze time in to make sure I was able to see him and spend any free time I had with him and my family in that hospice room. There wasn’t a minute or hour that one of us wasn’t there. Unfortunately, he had passed about 2 weeks before I was due to graduate and I still never once missed a class. He was in some sort of induced coma during his short time in Hospice. I remember the night he died, my family and I were all in his room talking to eachother. I had to leave for class so I went over to him and gave him a kiss goodbye on his forehead, told him where I was going and reminded him that I loved him. I got a call from my mom after I got out of class telling me to make sure I came straight home after school and I already knew from that call that I know what that meant. He passed away peacefully with my grandmother sitting next to him in his room. Just him and my grandmother, finally alone together without anyone else in the family being around. That brought peace to me because it’s like it’s something that he’s been waiting for and wanting before he decided to let go. Him and his wife. Alone with nobody else around. I was so heartbroken and sad to the point where I couldn’t even cry and I didn’t for a long time.. not even at the funeral. He was 76 years old and still young in my eyes. I was also angry for a long time and I maybe still am, but not at him.

My grandfather always wanted me to make something of myself. He wanted to see me succeed in life and never struggle. He wanted me to graduate college and pursue a career in something that I loved to do. He supported any decision that I made no matter what. He was my best friend, my go to, my father figure and my hero. Never in a million years did I think he would pass so suddenly and at such a semi-young age the way he did. If it wasn’t for him, I would’ve never thought of pursuing a career in nursing. I gave up my dream of being a Psychiatrist after I screwed up in college the first time. Wanting to take care of him, the amazing nursing staff in the hospice, and the amazing care he received in the hospitals and how comfortable he was before his passing made me want to keep going and get my nursing degree. I’ve always loved helping people and taking care of people so I thought why stop here as a CNA? I feel as if he helped me figure out what I truly was meant to do. Today i’m in my last semester and will be graduating with my LPN in May 2020. Next adventure is going for my RN. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think of him. When I feel like i’m drowning in life between work and school, doubting myself that i’ll never be able to pass nursing school and how I feel like I can’t do this anymore and want to give up.. I remind myself WHY i’m doing this and who i’m exactly doing it for and then I think about my grandfather and how he’s my whole reason for everything. I want him to see me succeed even if it’s in spirit form that he’s watching. I know he’s always with me through my journey and I know that he’s smiling down at me and if he were physically here, he’d be so proud of me. I wish I could give him a big hug and thank him for everything he’s done. He’s what is helping me go forward and he’s my motivation. Everything I do, I do for him.

Thank you for being you, I love you and will see you again someday.